On another day a sweet old lady took his time getting her car out from the parking lot. I thought that eternity passed by me until she has started up the engine, then really slowly backed out from the space. I backed up a bit so she would have enough space to make the turn. When she left, sweet, she's gone. And out from the blue a black CAMARO pulls up and takes my spot. I honked my horn and yelled but no use the guy just stepped out from his vehicle and walked off as if i wasn't there.
The guy is an asshole, this was the first idea popping in to my head. There are so many assholes in this world. And then i noticed that there's a small paper on his windshield. This said FOR SALE and below it there was the phone number. I've quickly written down the numbers and found a new parking space.
A few days later, I was home sitting at my desk. Just finished calling up my favorite asshole when i thought of this new phone number i just acquired. After a couple of rings the phone has been picked up, at first i was polite and said: "I'm calling about the black Camaro, I wish to see it and can I have the address please." Certainly he replied. After I noted down the information he said that I can pop in anytime during the afternoon because he's usually home. "One last thing" "What is it?" "Your an asshole" and i hung up. Adding his number also to the speed dial.
To be continued...
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
10 things you shouldn't do {part 1}
Don't take these drugs if your planning to drive:
Don't take these drugs if you go on a date:
10 ways how not to show up on the first work day:
Don't take these drugs if you go on a date:
10 ways how not to show up on the first work day:
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Funny stories across the world part 1
Australia
It happened in Melbourne on the Western Ring Road highway, the police have flagged a car which was over the speed limit by 5 miles/h. They went after the "speeder", passed him and then pulled him over. The driver received a 135$ fine for speeding. He thanked the officer and got his id and book out also, then he identified his self as the official from the Labor Protection office, and fined the hasty police man. The ticket was for 800$, because he hasn't been wearing his fluorescent vest on this high traffic road.
Hungary
Once upon a time I went shopping with my wife, after like 5 minutes in the store we stepped out and what do we see? the parking officer is hard at work writing a ticket. He was just about to place it on the windshield when we arrived, so I said:
- Oh come on retard, wouldn't be nice if you would be kind to senior citizens at least once in your life? - but no, he didn't stop.
Then i called him an asshole, his head turned purple and started writing another ticket because the tires were a bit old. Jackass his head turned even more purple and wrote another ticket. This went on for 20 more minutes calling him names and in response he wrote more tickets. We didn't really bother our selves because we came by bus. This is how we make a new adventure for everyday, it's healthy for our retirement.
Germany
Supposedly Helmuth Kohl doesn't speak any other language besides German, so it has became a problem on every national forum who to put next to him at the table, so atleast they can communicate on some what level. Once upon a time on an Economic Conference they sat next to him a small black person, who in rank was somewhat similar like him, a prime minister of an African country. The dinner was well in progress when Kohl couldn't stand the quiet so he turns towards his partner and asks "hamham gut?" the African responds with an OK nod. Time passes and Kohl asks again "glutglut gut?" the reply was "gut". Couple of minutes later the the African prime minister is asked to hold his speech about the new problems of the global economy and to relate it to the connection between Europe and Africa. So he stands up and holds an hour long conference talking about macro economics indicators with out any accent in perfect hochdeutsch. He receives a strong clap and when he sits back to his table, he asks Kohl "blabla gut?"
U.S.A
In the U.S.A. three generals are retiring at the same time and the president is rewarding them. To make it more fun the president says that he will give 1000$ X the distance between two of their body parts.
The first general is tall so he says: "measure me from head to toe", his height was 195 cm, so he gained 195.000$. The second general had long arms, so he asked for that distance, 165 cm, so he left with 165.000$.
Now the third general was short so he asked that they measure the distance between his belly button and his manhood. At first people though he was joking, but after a long reassuring process, they started measuring, but they couldn't find his manhood. The big question was where is it? he replied with a cool voice: "ohhh boys it was left in Vietnam a couple of decades ago" ...
It happened in Melbourne on the Western Ring Road highway, the police have flagged a car which was over the speed limit by 5 miles/h. They went after the "speeder", passed him and then pulled him over. The driver received a 135$ fine for speeding. He thanked the officer and got his id and book out also, then he identified his self as the official from the Labor Protection office, and fined the hasty police man. The ticket was for 800$, because he hasn't been wearing his fluorescent vest on this high traffic road.
Hungary
Once upon a time I went shopping with my wife, after like 5 minutes in the store we stepped out and what do we see? the parking officer is hard at work writing a ticket. He was just about to place it on the windshield when we arrived, so I said:
- Oh come on retard, wouldn't be nice if you would be kind to senior citizens at least once in your life? - but no, he didn't stop.
Then i called him an asshole, his head turned purple and started writing another ticket because the tires were a bit old. Jackass his head turned even more purple and wrote another ticket. This went on for 20 more minutes calling him names and in response he wrote more tickets. We didn't really bother our selves because we came by bus. This is how we make a new adventure for everyday, it's healthy for our retirement.
Germany
Supposedly Helmuth Kohl doesn't speak any other language besides German, so it has became a problem on every national forum who to put next to him at the table, so atleast they can communicate on some what level. Once upon a time on an Economic Conference they sat next to him a small black person, who in rank was somewhat similar like him, a prime minister of an African country. The dinner was well in progress when Kohl couldn't stand the quiet so he turns towards his partner and asks "hamham gut?" the African responds with an OK nod. Time passes and Kohl asks again "glutglut gut?" the reply was "gut". Couple of minutes later the the African prime minister is asked to hold his speech about the new problems of the global economy and to relate it to the connection between Europe and Africa. So he stands up and holds an hour long conference talking about macro economics indicators with out any accent in perfect hochdeutsch. He receives a strong clap and when he sits back to his table, he asks Kohl "blabla gut?"
U.S.A
In the U.S.A. three generals are retiring at the same time and the president is rewarding them. To make it more fun the president says that he will give 1000$ X the distance between two of their body parts.
The first general is tall so he says: "measure me from head to toe", his height was 195 cm, so he gained 195.000$. The second general had long arms, so he asked for that distance, 165 cm, so he left with 165.000$.
Now the third general was short so he asked that they measure the distance between his belly button and his manhood. At first people though he was joking, but after a long reassuring process, they started measuring, but they couldn't find his manhood. The big question was where is it? he replied with a cool voice: "ohhh boys it was left in Vietnam a couple of decades ago" ...
Funny Movie Quotes
"They know we have only three left, so they'll play with three men too. It's not sportsmanship, it's just that they're psychopaths. They don't give a flying fuck about winning. They just want to turn this in to a bloodbath ..."
***
"After you drop the load climb like hell, and theoretically you can escape the blast. Now lieutenant i don't have to remind you that this hasn't been tried since Nagasaki..."
***
"It's in evitable like death, but you don't see me throwing up west side in NY."
"Go on O.J. is calling you."
Malcom and Eddie
***
"I can't kill anyone, for Christ sake I'm a vegan ... Yeah you can honey you can kill a man just fine, your ain't that special"
***
"Sweetie for the right price i can find 2Pac for you ..."
Can't remember
***
"... and that was Sammy, the partner he's a bit like Robin Hood apart from the fact that he robbed anyone and gave to him self and probably killed their families along the way, just for fun, nice fellow ey? charming don't ya think ? he was so hard that even his nightmares were afraid of him"
Don't remember
***
"Connor, get your ass top-side. Remind those men they need to answer me on the radio, even if they're dead."
***
"... Ted, sure it's fun to look back in time when you were a fresh faced farm girl with the virgins glow"
How I met your Mother
***
"So how you wanna play this ? .... shoot 'till we can shoot"
Stargate Atlantis s04 s03 when Ronnin and Sheppeard are stuck under a factory
***
"Come with me if you want to live!"
Terminator :D
***
"After you drop the load climb like hell, and theoretically you can escape the blast. Now lieutenant i don't have to remind you that this hasn't been tried since Nagasaki..."
***
"It's in evitable like death, but you don't see me throwing up west side in NY."
"Go on O.J. is calling you."
Malcom and Eddie
***
"I can't kill anyone, for Christ sake I'm a vegan ... Yeah you can honey you can kill a man just fine, your ain't that special"
***
"Sweetie for the right price i can find 2Pac for you ..."
Can't remember
***
"... and that was Sammy, the partner he's a bit like Robin Hood apart from the fact that he robbed anyone and gave to him self and probably killed their families along the way, just for fun, nice fellow ey? charming don't ya think ? he was so hard that even his nightmares were afraid of him"
Don't remember
***
"Connor, get your ass top-side. Remind those men they need to answer me on the radio, even if they're dead."
***
"... Ted, sure it's fun to look back in time when you were a fresh faced farm girl with the virgins glow"
How I met your Mother
***
"So how you wanna play this ? .... shoot 'till we can shoot"
Stargate Atlantis s04 s03 when Ronnin and Sheppeard are stuck under a factory
***
"Come with me if you want to live!"
Terminator :D
Monday, October 12, 2009
Jerk Part 1
"I was sitting at my desk when i remembered that I still have to call up my friend. I've dialed the number and a male voice responds nicely "Hello ?" I was polite and said: "This is Patrick Hanifin, I wish to speak with Robin Carterrel", as soon as i finished my sentence the line got disconnected abruptly. I couldn't believe that somebody can be such an asshole, so i looked up Robin's number from my notebook and called the correct number. Funny thing that I have switched up the last two digits. After i finished my chat with Robin, I've decided to recall the previous guy. When he picked up the phone i yelled: Asshole!!! and hanged up, next to the number I've written "Asshole". When ever i was feeling sad I've called this number called him names and hanged up. I've felt better after it"
***
In that year the phone company has introduce the caller ID. This was very painful experience, because I would be forced to stop calling my "Asshole" friend. Then i thought of something and called him up again. He picks it up with the usual "Hello" on the spot I've invented a name and told him: "Good day, sir. I'm calling form the phone company and I'n wondering if you have heard about the caller ID package. He said no and hanged up. Called him again and told him: "Because your a f**** asshole that's why." and hanged up".
To be continued ...
***
In that year the phone company has introduce the caller ID. This was very painful experience, because I would be forced to stop calling my "Asshole" friend. Then i thought of something and called him up again. He picks it up with the usual "Hello" on the spot I've invented a name and told him: "Good day, sir. I'm calling form the phone company and I'n wondering if you have heard about the caller ID package. He said no and hanged up. Called him again and told him: "Because your a f**** asshole that's why." and hanged up".
To be continued ...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
